I wake up some nights drenched in my own sweat and panting whilst looking around pointlessly in the dark trying to figure out why. It usually takes me a few moments before I work out why I had woken in such a state and generally it’s because I had just dreamt about giving birth. Truth is, one of my biggest fears during pregnancy is giving birth to this child and how traumatic this experience is going to be in the hospital.
I’m now less than four weeks from my delivery date and that impending feeling of doom (no I’m not trying to be melodramatic) is growing day by day. Up until now I’ve used work as a distraction (and just being busy in general) to keep my mind from overthinking the entire process. I’m now at a stage where I’ve realized that I need to get my sh*t together before that day and the anxiety I feel is real. It certainly doesn’t help when your friends and family discuss openly how your vagina will be torn to shreds and how your body will never be the same again.
At the start of my pregnancy I was almost certain that I wanted an elected Caesarian. Even my own mother suggested I do this because she didn’t believe I could handle the pain of a natural birth. But after reading more on it and attending antenatal classes, I gradually convinced myself that attempting a natural birth was the best course and despite my relentless fear – I’m still set on a natural birth.
I’ve always been a bottler and will always project an aura of bravado to keep others around me from worrying. Adding to this is the issue that I loathe talking about my feelings and find expressing myself through writing is always cathartic.
I recently joined a mums group on Facebook and read that one lady would actually choose to go through childbirth over and over again if she could. My first thought was – whatever she’s smoking, I need some of it – and then I decided to respond to her comment about what her secret was because I am terrified. Her advice was for me to stay terrified because that way, when the time actually comes to delivering the baby, it’s not actually that bad. I don’t know why but I found that somewhat reassuring. Or maybe I’m just kidding myself.
So I’m sharing with you my top fears and the top fears during pregnancy that most women experience at some stage.
Biggest Fears During Pregnancy Every Woman Experiences
Unable to Manage the Pain
I’ll say it now but I’m a pussy when it comes to pain and I’ll whine even when I get a paper cut or when my manicurist gets a little overzealous with cutting the skin around my nails. Point is, those pale in comparison to the pain I imagine labour to be like. My only consolation is that labour pain isn’t constant and gives you ‘breaks’ between intervals (how kind). They also build as you move from each phase to the next so at least you’ll get to ease yourself into it.
Death of Baby During Birth
I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you’d feel after bonding with this little being only to be denied the opportunity to actually hold them in your arms. I’m fairly sure I’ve dreamt this at some stage and woke up with tears streaming down my face. It’s apparently a normal thought that mothers think about because childbirth is one of the few situations in life that we have absolutely zero control over what can happen.
You Will Never be the Same Down There
I was in a group conversation with friends recently who were discussing this and how you’ll end up with a ‘loose’ vagina after birth – not the most encouraging of thoughts to be circling in your mind. What plays on most women’s minds on top of this is the fear that their partner may lose their attraction and libido after watching the entire process unfold.
Thankfully, I’ve been diligent and reading many upon many articles and most doctors will confirm that the nether-regions will heal with time. Our bodies are incredibly elastic and if we include a few targeted exercises into your daily routine then the recovery process becomes even faster.
Sh*tting Yourself (Literally)
Some women are mortified by the thought of even letting a little gas go in the presence of their partner let alone going the whole mile and releasing a steaming pile of sh*t. It’s quite normal in the delivery room for this to happen and this isn’t one that bothers me too much. I’m sure Chris will be seeing a lot worse when that head starts to crown and I’m hurling every vulgar expression humanly possible at him for not being able to take away the pain – and this is if he manages to not pass out in the process.
Getting to the Hospital Too Late
This was another one that I read about and am probably not too concerned with because majority of first pregnancies won’t have this issue. Chris will be channeling his inner Lewis Hamilton when D-Day arrives and will be drifting into that hospital driveway in a puff of dramatic smoke before I’m wheeled away on a gurney. Ha!
Epidural Won’t be Administered in Time or Worse – Not Work
This is something I’ve stressed a little over because an epidural is the final pain control avenue you would explore and imagine if it didn’t work… Thankfully only 12% of the epidurals administered don’t work effectively so I’m keeping everything crossed that I don’t fall in this 12%.
For all the mom-to-be and moms out there – what were your biggest fears?
Read my other pregnancy related posts here on why I don’t enjoy being pregnant and all the things women experience during the last weeks of pregancy.