Ok. I’m just going to come right out and say it – I don’t enjoy being pregnant. Whilst I am totally mesmerized by the little miracle that is growing healthily inside my otherwise inhospitable body (according to certain specialists), I definitely do not enjoy hefty nine-month long feelings of being hung-over with exhaustion and no longer being able to fit into anything but moo-moos (thank fuck for Camilla kaftans). I know the miracle of life is something not every woman is able to experience and even thought this about myself for a fleeting second but here I am today; having a moment of self reflection on my pregnant self.
For a while I felt pretty bad for even entertaining the notion that I might not be as elated about my pregnancy as I should be or what others tell me I should feel. I’ve finally come to terms with it and don’t feel bad about admitting this – not one little bit. I’ve been doted on and showered with the standard “you’re glowing”, “pregnancy really suits you” and of course the ever so slightly insulting “you can’t even tell!” My double chin says otherwise. Truth is, that wonderful glow you see is from me panting and sweating up two flights of stairs and I really doubt pregnancy ever truly suits anyone.
The constant backaches throughout the second trimester that leave you unable to walk (in my case) in the middle of shopping centres because your bubs head is pressed up against a nerve in your back is not something I will ever miss. As someone who hasn’t experienced much physical discomfort or displacement in her life; aside from the odd muscle pain from overdoing it in a boxing class, being pregnant has given me a newfound appreciation for ALL mothers out there.
Then there’s the constant trickle of unpleasant discharge from your lady clam, uncontrollable swelling, detestable weight gain and did I mention gas? Most men like to think that their ladies fart rainbows that smell like daisies. Any mention of bowel movements would send them running for the hills dry retching whilst covering their bleeding ears. Well, this is no longer the case for Chris and I because he’s finally accepted that girls too have normal bodily functions and I’ve lost all need to ever feel embarrassed about it. Boob sweats, back fat, cellulite and stretch marks are all unfortunate bi-products that I’m sure no woman enjoys.
The hardest part for me throughout all of this was feeling comfortable in my own skin. You may be rolling your eyes at this stage and thinking how superficial this problem is for a pregnant woman but I’m here to tell you that the hormones you experience during pregnancy can make something as trivial as who left the fridge door open seem like a crisis that even the UN can’t solve. It’s a constant battle between wanting to stay skinny versus wanting to be gain a healthy amount of weight to make sure your baby comes out happy and strong.
Then there’s the feeling of doubt that you’ll ever fit into your old wardrobe again or snapping back to your pre-pregnant self. Standing in front of your wardrobe every morning and having only a handful of options to choose from can be so discouraging especially when you feel like a beached whale already. Oh and did I mention that your enviable shoe collection may no longer fit you even post-pregnancy sans swelling? Yep, I didn’t know this and curse myself for not purchasing half a size larger right from the get-go.
You’re playing host for the better part of a year to this tiny human and every decision you make will directly or indirectly affect them. Do you jump on the treadmill today for a run or just settle for a nice stroll? Can I sneak in that odd glass of wine at a birthday dinner? Is this cheese safe for me to eat? For the final months you will feel this human kick, wriggle and punch their way through your innards that will leave you crazed and no position you sleep in will EVER be comfortable enough. You sleep on your left and they kick, you sleep on your right and they punch, you sleep on your back and you can’t breathe and sleeping on your belly is logistically impossible to say the least. See how there’s no winner here?
Being told that our bodies were made for this usually irritates me because growing a small football inside you isn’t the sole reason you exist in this life – at least not in this day in age. Pregnancy shouldn’t be glamourized because it really isn’t unless you’re a Victoria’s Secret model/cyborg and our enjoyment of pregnancy shouldn’t directly be linked to our womanhood. I’ve decided to focus on the end goal of delivering a happy and healthy baby rather than obeying the Hollywood invented standard of what pregnancy should look and feel like.
I don’t feel the need anymore to sashay my way into every room singing praises of how amazing pregnancy is and nor should you if that’s not what you really feel. Whilst this post may come across as being negative but my goal was to share with you how I’ve felt this entire journey and to reassure any woman who is feeling the same way that it’s completely normal and it is nothing to be ashamed of. We’re not going to be sent to the bowels of hell for thinking this. We will still love the little beans to death when they come out (even if they tear us a new asshole doing so) and protect them with our lives.
This was only one facet of the feelings I’ve experienced these last seven months and I’ll talk about the fear element in my next post.
I’m going to leave you with my little post birth bucket list that I’ve been carefully curating for the last seven months:
- Enjoy a glass of wine with a platter of oysters, cheese and sashimi – in that order.
- Make Chris master the art of creating Instagram worthy brunches consisting solely of eggs benedict and smoked salmon.
- Dedicating an hour of pounding the pavement and just enjoying not having a huge load up front. God I miss running.
- Sleeping on my stomache – in all my drooling glory.
- Going sky-diving again.
Read about how I found out about my pregnancy here.
Having said all of this, I have enjoyed being able to shop around for the odd summer maxi here or there which transition nicely into your post-pregnant wardrobe and put together a little mood board for any other mothers out there preparing for their Summer baby.
- Vix Coverup – here
- Lack of Color – The Ventura – here
- Dodo Bar Or – Embellished Embroidered Cotton Gauze Top – here
- Melissa Odabash – Embroidered Voile Mini Dress – here
- Miguelina – Printed Linen Top – here
- LemLem – Striped Gauze and Cotton Slub-Jersey Culottes – here
- LoveShackFancy – Crochet Trimmed Cotton Skirt – here
- Vix Coverup – here
- Isabel Marant Bracelet – here